Some of you already know, but it feels like a good time to make this news official.
Drumroll, please !.!.!.!.!.!.!...
We are expecting Baby Smith #3 in about 6 months! Lord willing, Baby Smith will be here around January 2nd, which should make our holidays a bit interesting, right?!?
Annette wrote the #3 for me. Such a helper. Charlie wasn't 'into' holding the sign. Imagine that.
We could NOT be more excited!
Yet, the first trimester of this pregnancy has been much different than with Annette's or Charlie's.
Well sadly, we lost a pregnancy back in February. Haven't shared this with the whole world for several reasons. It was/is painful. And it wasn't fun. Not fun to even talk about really. But, I refuse to go on with my little life like it never really happened. I was just about 10 weeks along. Ugh. Not easy. Yet, when people opened up with me about their similar experiences, THAT was one of the most helpful things in the world. It's just so much more common that we realize. Everyone says that. That miscarriages are very very common. I had heard that of course, but until I was sitting in an OB doctor's office expecting to see a heartbeat and then didn't.... well I couldn't have understood what it was all about until then. Until then, I couldn't imagine how those mothers felt when they lost that dream of a new baby. Not that I ever wanted to fully understand. And there are so many others with much, much more difficult losses. Multiple losses. Later losses. And it's not fair. It's just not.
But we the Smiths have been blessed with a new pregnancy! A strong healthy one so far. We haven't done one single thing to deserve it. My doctor (the lovely Wendel) has been a hero to me. He has been super supportive and has let me come in several times when my mind has run rampant with scary thoughts and I needed reassurance. I've seen our little one's heartbeat 3 times now and I'm starting to believe -- Believe that I may not lose this pregnancy. The worries and fears are still lingering around my head. They just aren't as overwhelming now that I've hit the 12 week milestone.
Some people will question why I brought this up in such a public way. Aren't I scared I could lose this pregnancy too, and then the whole world will be watching? Yes, but as much as that thought terrifies me, the thought of not being able to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest is even more depressing. Sharing this news with others makes my joy more complete. It also might seem weird to mention a loss in the same post where I announce such sweet news about a new baby growing. Yet, they go together to me. Pain and joy. So many times anyways. Plus, I like to keep things 'real'. I hope my friends and family would agree with that statement. I really do prefer to be around others who put themselves out there as authentically as possible, so that's what I aim for. I am an imperfect and messy person in need of lots of grace. That should be documented on this here blog.
And now for my not-so-serious rambling HAPPY thoughts on Baby #3. :) :) :)
~I am considering NOT finding out if this is a girl or boy : /! I already have a girl and a boy and all the gear needed for either, so I don't need to find out really. A gender surprise on the actual BirthDay could be super fun. But, I'm not sure. I consider myself to be a professional ultrasound reader. Heehee. Not really of course, but both times we went to find out the gender at 16 weeks with our first two, I could tell immediately. Even before the doctor said a thing. So, if I choose to be surprised, I won't be able to look at the screen for my future ultrasounds. That's a sad thought! So maybe I will find out. I'll have to keep thinking on that for the next 4 weeks or so.
~We have a 3 bedroom house, so Annette and Charlie will be sharing a room. I am actually super excited about it! I love the way matching twin beds look in a room... hence my ever growing pinboard for twin bedrooms. A and C are super duper close, and on the same schedule now, so I don't think it should be that difficult. Except that Charlie naps while Annete has 'quiet time'. In her room. Hmmm. That could cause a logistics problem. Well, we will figure that out later. (Procrastination is my norm :) Plus, filling out our house is a NICE problem to have, to say the least.
~I'm pumped about being less of a novice parent this time around. I'm still very green in all 3 years of parenting experience, but I feel like I do know a lot more than I did three pregnancies ago. With Annette, I was still working full time and feel like I was living a different life than I am now as a SAH mom of 2. With Charlie's pregnancy and birth, things were a whirlwind. Annette was still a baby, just 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. And my sister whom I'm super close with was diagnosed with leukemia, and spent months in the hospital. It was still wonderful; it was just different. This time around, I'm looking forward to soaking it all in. I say that. After worrying myself into a frenzy the last 9 weeks or so. But now that I know, really really know, what a miraculous gift I've been given, I want to SOAK IT UP.
So, please pray for us and this pregnancy. Thank God for us, too. I know God holds my children in His hands. Even this unborn baby. He is the one who knows how my story will go. That's my comfort and peace when the fears start to build. I know God loves me. And He is the author of it all.
I'm relying on a truth. That I can learn to be content in any circumstance, whether in plenty or in want.
Excited and more-than-a-tad nervous,